9 Ways to Cope the Week After Your Pet Dies

Three days after we said goodbye to our dog Sammy, a friend invited us to a big party at her rural Virginia farm. We all agreed it would be a good distraction from our grieving, so we decided to go and planned to spend the weekend.

Sadly, our good intentions didn’t work out as planned. My husband and I didn’t feel like boozing it up in the pool house with the merrymakers. I had trouble making small talk—that part of my brain felt paralyzed. We ended up isolating ourselves from the group, and we left early.

Trying to figure out what to do with yourself that week after you lose your beloved pet is a toughie. These nine strategies helped me:

Leave the house. Especially for the first few days, it was too hard to be at home, with Sammy’s missing presence so amplified. It was driving me crazy that I kept “hearing” him in the house. I went to close friends’ place for an evening and played with their daughter. I went for a walk in the neighborhood. One night I even sat in the car and listened to music.

Rearrange the furniture. Seeing the empty spot on the floor in the family room where his bed and toys were was heartbreaking. At the suggestion of a friend, I rearranged the furniture. I don’t love the design now, but we will leave it this way for a few weeks as we readjust.

Talk to friends online. Aside from a small handful of people, I wasn’t feeling up to seeing many people face to face. But I needed a way to share my feelings. Posting on Facebook and emailing friends helped, especially when I received supportive and empathetic notes.

Just in case you weren’t sure how sad I’ve been …

Do a marathon baking session. If you were unsure about the depths of my grief, check out the food I baked on Friday: Eight cakes, four dozen chocolate chip cookies, 1 ½ dozen muffins and two dozen biscuits. Totally excessive, but it kept me very busy. I stashed some of the items in the freezer but shared most with friends.

Do nice things for other people. That second night after Sammy was gone, we went out to dinner. The waitress was quite excellent. So I wrote a note at the top of the bill saying “thanks for being so good at your job and being so cheerful.” Then I sought out her boss to share the compliment. It uplifted me to do something nice for someone else.

Watch funny things on TV. There’s a mindlessly silly program called “Impractical Jokers” on TruTV that gave me my first smile of the week.

Write a note to the person who gave you the dog. I found it cathartic to write my letter to the Washington Humane Society to say thanks for letting me take Sammy home back in 2000. The letter made me feel good, to share his legacy, and it also made them feel good about their work.

Do something challenging but unimportant. I found an old puzzle book I bought for a long-haul flight, so I spent one afternoon doing logic puzzles and crosswords. My brain was distracted but the task at hand was rather meaningless—an important aspect, since I’ve found my mind isn’t thinking straight yet and I wouldn’t want to screw up something important.

Read articles online about coping with pet loss. The articles reminded me it’s ok to be upset, that it’s ok if I’m not getting over this as fast as I think I “should” (whatever that means). It’s only been five days after all.

Advertisements

22 Comments Add yours

  1. robyngianni says:

    Awe girl, Sammy was so lucky to have found you. There is a lot of love in those cakes!

    1. elissapoma says:

      Thanks, Robyn. I agree!

  2. Mike says:

    Sorry for your loss.

  3. Muriel says:

    So sorry for your loss. It’s never easy losing a pet because however long they’re with you it’s never enough.

    I’m so thankful we have 2 dogs – each time we’ve lost one there’s still been another one there needing their walks, food etc. Dog fur is also really good at soaking up tears!

    1. elissapoma says:

      That’s a lovely sentiment. Thank you for writing.

  4. eileen says:

    I lost Odie and Dottie this year just three weeks a part I made donations to local animal groups in their names.

    1. elissapoma says:

      Thank you for donating — so important for us to support these organizations.

  5. Courtney says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our big boy a year ago and it still hurts. And I know this will sound crazy, but he visited me a few weeks after he passed. I knew then that he was okay and that we did the right thing in letting him go.

    Sammy was lucky to have you in his life.

    1. elissapoma says:

      Sammy’s presence is definitely still with us too. I know how you feel.

  6. Briana says:

    I have two dogs, my oldest is 10 and he still has plenty of energy but still its got me thinking about when that “time” nears what i will do and how i will deal. Its hard to think or talk about it.
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. elissapoma says:

      No need to think about it yet — just enjoy him!

  7. Terri says:

    I just lost my 3 year old Pembroke Corgi the night before Thanksgiving. We were out doing farm chores and she ran into the road and got hit. I adored her. She was smart, funny and loved everyone. She was also my boss. Needless, to say I didn’t make it to Thanksgiving with the family. I have 4 other dogs who need me. I am lucky I have friends and family who loved almost as much as I did. One of those friends called her breeder for me and another of our friends. It was so much easier when I lost my old dogs. I knew it was the best thing for them. I’ll try your steps and maybe it will help. I’ve never lost a dog this way. I feel like my heart is broken and will never heal.

    1. elissapoma says:

      I’m so sorry, Terri. I hope each day is getting a wee bit easier.

  8. Sharon says:

    We lost our beautiful Liberty Oct. 18. It was so unexpected and sudden. I cry for her and hear her. My husband is worse. He has isolated himself. Lost our love!

    1. elissapoma says:

      I hope you and your husband find peace soon, Sharon.

  9. This article came about a month too late, but we did a lot of these same things when we had to say goodbye to our 15 year-old Dachshund mix last month. We donated some things to our local “Pet Pantry” in memory of Chloe, we wrote to the SPCA we had gotten her from, and we donated the rest of her prescription food to a friend who’s dog eats the same food. It was nice to give back and do something in memory of her. 🙂

    1. elissapoma says:

      Beautiful ideas. Thank you for supporting local organizations. They need us.

  10. Thanks for this article, I have several friends who have lost their loved pups in the past month.

    1. elissapoma says:

      I hope you are doing ok following the losses.never easy.

  11. k says:

    I made a tribute video of my girl I lost at 15 months,which helped me a lot. One piece of advice on that though… don’t pick a number one song from the most popular band on the planet

  12. Cathy says:

    Thank you for sharing these ideas. It helps me to know I’m not alone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s